Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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