Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just pee around me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
