It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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