now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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