Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
