We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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