she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
