I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
