I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
