Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I want to have your abortion
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
