Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
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the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
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I'm just crazy horny about you
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
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