Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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