You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize