What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
