My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
