my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
