there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
