you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
