you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
