I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
