Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
