she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
