I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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