This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
