Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
