I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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