good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
