just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
