we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
