i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
