i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
