insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
