Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
