I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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