Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
