Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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