dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
