No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
