You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
