My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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