im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
