I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
