this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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