:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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