i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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