we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
