my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Everything about him screamed your future.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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