I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
