this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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