I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
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