Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
