does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
