Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
