Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
