Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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