Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
