we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
