We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
