beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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