i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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