You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
