Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wish life had little blips of pornography
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
