Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
