I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He shit in the fireplace
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize