If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
