those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
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When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
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Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize