you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
