Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
