when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Quick, to the slutcave!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
