I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
