Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
