MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
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I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
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Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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