is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
