What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
