The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
