Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
