if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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