i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
