Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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