This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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