"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
