I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
