I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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