She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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