I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
